Monday Musings #4

The Christmas Eve-Eve Edition.

(rope work by Neffie Khaos)

I’ve officially been at this Substack game for a whole month! Here are my thought bubbles from the weekend:

Lola’s Substack Has A New Name

I polled you, my lovely subscribers and there was a clear winner: The Lola Letters. I’m a little stressed out because I am a Marketing and Communications professional in “real” life, and I don’t have any branded logos beyond my DIY Canva template, but I decided that focusing on good content is what’s most important, so I’ma give that my best effort and think through the branding as I go along. Anyway, if you voted, thank you!

New Year, New Content Tier

I am launching exclusive content for my paid subscribers on December 31st, including the first episode of my short podcast series about kink and polyamory, a first look at my spicy romance and erotica fiction, and more personal, long-form writing. You can become a first-time paid subscriber or upgrade your subscription below.

Feeling your feelings isn’t enough

…especially if you want to build emotionally healthy relationships, platonic or otherwise. A lesson I have learned this year is that being able to open up to a loved one about my feelings, knowing they will hold them with care, and doing the same for them, is a non-negotiable for me. Allowing ourselves room for vulnerability builds intimacy and draws us closer to our partners and friends.

“All or Nothing” Approaches to Polyamory

I saw this post on threads from Ready for Polyamory:

It’s actually a problem that the polyam “default” has swung all the way from “of course you’re a primary couple with secondary partners who get treated a specific way and seen a specific (lesser) amount and intensity of time” to “of course everyone is perfectly egalitarian and also besties” — there are so many other possibilities that can exist in your relationship network and I promise it’s ok to figure out what you want and works for you best gradually and not know this instant.

I gotta say I agree. Either extreme supposes that other ways of being in polyamory are the “wrong” way.

I’ve been practicing polyamory for nearly 5 years, and while I’m not really into hierarchy, I can’t say the latter is always the easiest way forward.

Sometimes, being besties with my metamours just isn’t meant to be.

Sometimes, you try your best to be egalitarian and somebody still ain’t happy.

Most times, the hinge is the problem (but not all the time).

The best you can do is to learn from mistakes and choose uncomfortable but healthy conversations over resentment. No matter what kind of relationship structure you are in, your experience is only as good as the people in them.

Happy Holidaze, y’all.