Hmm. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call closure a scam. I’ve had and initiated closure convos that were definitely motivated by my wanting to maintain a status quo. But also, there have been other conversations with partners that shed light on dynamics that I was too oblivious to see for myself. And that was super valuable! And I appreciate the fact that they were willing to talk to me about that, even after they weren’t obligated to do so.
… I don’t know. I feel both ways about this. I don’t think we’re entitled to closure, that doesn’t make sense. At the same time, I’m suspicious of any narrative that’s like, “If someone is asking for closure then that’s always in bad faith.”
I appreciate the article, this is a good convo to have.
Agree with this comment! I really liked reading the post and see where the author is coming from but I’ve participated in closure/ending ceremonies and they were pretty healing. I think it depends on your dynamic with the person, if you’re planning to maintain a friendship or some other dynamic, or if they’re still apart of your community (I’m queer so a lot of those are often the case for me)
There are absolutely exceptions to what I wrote. For me though, depending on how I feel when it ended I may not be ready for friendship immediately, and I need time to get there.
I agree, a lot of times I don't remain friends because it would be too painful. But accepting that ending and being able to reflect on it as a whole does feel rewarding. Glad you know what you need!
Hmm. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call closure a scam. I’ve had and initiated closure convos that were definitely motivated by my wanting to maintain a status quo. But also, there have been other conversations with partners that shed light on dynamics that I was too oblivious to see for myself. And that was super valuable! And I appreciate the fact that they were willing to talk to me about that, even after they weren’t obligated to do so.
… I don’t know. I feel both ways about this. I don’t think we’re entitled to closure, that doesn’t make sense. At the same time, I’m suspicious of any narrative that’s like, “If someone is asking for closure then that’s always in bad faith.”
I appreciate the article, this is a good convo to have.
Agree with this comment! I really liked reading the post and see where the author is coming from but I’ve participated in closure/ending ceremonies and they were pretty healing. I think it depends on your dynamic with the person, if you’re planning to maintain a friendship or some other dynamic, or if they’re still apart of your community (I’m queer so a lot of those are often the case for me)
There are absolutely exceptions to what I wrote. For me though, depending on how I feel when it ended I may not be ready for friendship immediately, and I need time to get there.
I agree, a lot of times I don't remain friends because it would be too painful. But accepting that ending and being able to reflect on it as a whole does feel rewarding. Glad you know what you need!
Agree wholeheartedly.
👏🏾